The Call of the Banjo

Today was awesome.

It reminded me of all the things I hope one day to never become.

I know you all have seen those fishbowls full of business cards advertising free lunch. We have one hosted by a local financial institution. You drop in your card and they fish it out, then you get free lunch and they try and lure you into their programs.

Well I would've paid money to see which card fished out this bunch of goonies.

It was a free lunch Wednesday and Greg the finance rep came in early to wait for his guests. Somehow they managed to pull the bumpkin wagon around the restaurant without me noticing because I was genuinely shocked when 12 over sized back country folk came strolling in the door.

They were a tasteful mix of the "Deliverance" gang and the lady in the looney turn shirt collecting cans off the street, and they had brought everyone they knew to this free luncheon.

My first stand off with the Mrs's was whens she demanded the largest booth we have in the restaurant, the one currently occupied by another group of guests.I offered her the back of the restaurant instead where her crowd could still stick close together and be able to hear their speaker.

Crazy Bitch fought me.

She actually thought I was going to kick another group out of their seats in the middle of their lunch so her posse could huddle in unison. I gave her two options. Either wait for the group to finish, however long that might be...or sit in the only other two adjoining booths in the restaurant. She finally huffed into place and in a matter of seconds began barking orders and appetizers at me.

She literally ordered a full appetizer, full dinner, drink, AND dessert for every person at her table. If this lunch was free, by god they were going to ROLL out of this joint.

I punched in their order, shocked that people like this really exist. I have never seen such a group of entitled and yet undeserving people in my life. I don't think they listened to a word our business man Greg spewed out, but they sure did make the best of their charity lunch.

The finale came when I brought out our "Gem's" choice of salad. Because we were a full restaurant and clean dishes were low, it came out on a plate instead of the accustomed bowl. She was disgusted and ordered me to have it sent back because she couldn't mix it on a plate. She NEEDED a bowl.

My 3 steps to solving her dilemma.

One...walk to kitchenTwo....

Get bowlThree....Dump Salad in bowl

Once presented with her lovingly tossed salad, she glared at me and said..."Excuse me! Did you just DUMP this salad in a bowl?"

"Yes ma'am, It figured it wouldn't be as hard to mix this way" I sang at her. My frustration MORE than obvious.

She slammed the Salad back into my hands and demanded I go back and get her a NEW salad, made in the bowl with the garnishments on top.I tenderly replaced the salad into the one empty spot on the table, and said no.

And since her lunch was paid for, my tip already in my pocket, and her entire family telling her to get over it, she knew there was nothing she could do about it.

As she fumed, and I walked away, I almost thought I heard the sad wailing of broken hearted banjos.